So as the title already tells you, I've decided to take a gap year. Gap years are typically known among students, as taking a year out of education before heading to university, but it can also just be a general term for people to use when they are in the in-between stages of their life. And here I am, in the in-between.
This decision actually came fairly easy to me.
Although at school people always tell you that your education is important, and everything you do is in preparation to go to university, I never fixated on that idea until over these past two years. One of the first things I was told by a teacher when starting sixth form, was that I would be taught how to pass an exam. Every time I thought about what my teacher had said, the more pressure and stress I felt each time I came into school, because I was afraid of failure. Lucky me, that fear actually came true. All those nights that I had stayed up to work hours on coursework, homework, revision, just resulted in burning out in my first year, because I thought that that was hard work. Really, I was stripping myself of all the qualities that`embodied me in the complete sense, and that I had sacrificed for the strive of academic perfection I couldn't achieve.
After realising this, it was enough to motivate and drive me this past year to improve my grades, but to spend my time more purposefully. I didn't want to fail myself again, neither did I want to solely focus on school, so I took up volunteering, talked to new people, found new interests, and rediscovered some of them. (this also came from the realisation that I had done nothing with my life when approaching my personal statement lol) Aside from finding this new burst of energy, I still thought of what my teacher had first said to me and instead, I felt angered and frustrated. Not at the fault of any of my teachers, but at how insular school had made me. Instead of being encouraged to learn, I was encouraged to memorise tedious statistics and bits of information, and attempt to write in-depth, analytical essays in under an hour, which I clearly would not remember on my deathbed. And that's what seems so strange to me. Why was I being taught information that was not necessary, or valid in real life? One example is Psychology. As an A-Level, I had to memorise studies that come under certain approaches, however I learned from my own teacher that some of these approaches are not taught at university, because they don't actually exist; they are purely there to add difficulty and depth to the syllabus. I honestly don't understand who thought that was a good idea. I'm definitely not the first to 'complain' about the education system, and definitely not the last, but why is it such a normal thing to accept this kind of education, where you are spending so many years of your life?
I was however, definitely lucky to have teachers that made me want to learn about their subjects elsewhere, whether that was through articles, studies, interviews; I did and still want to learn. Though I feel that the type of learning that I am looking for is expected a little later in life. Perhaps that's why there is a different power level or a sense of superiority when I talk to people who are older than me, because they have obtained this 'experience' that I don't currently have. Yet if their experience and knowledge is necessary to me, should I not be encouraged to learn of it sooner? I feel that there is so much more knowledge I want to soak up before heading off to university, and this finally brings me to my decision of taking a gap year.
I don't know anyone who is 100% sure as to what they want to do with their lives, I don't think anyone is. Granted, going to university would hopefully help come to some sort of realisation, but for me, I feel that there are a lot of things that I'm interested in, that I can't really pinpoint which I want to focus on as of right now. So during my gap year, I plan to throw myself at a lot of things creatively (lol not literally), whether that is taking pictures, writing, drawing, etc, in hopes that I will find something I want to prioritise and improve. Secondly, I feel like my life has been 'safe'. I guess that doesn't entirely sound like a bad thing, but I don't ever want to feel that I have settled for something. I want to take risks, I want to challenge myself, and I don't think I have so far in my life. Taking a gap year is a risk in itself. I may not be as productive as I want to be, but hopefully if I plan it well, then I won't lose out to any of this time I have. And maybe the final, most important reason for this gap year, is that in these recent years, I have spent a lot of time with myself, but not really for myself. I think there's such a difference in that, because I feel that I have conditioned myself to not expect a lot from my life, which has really affected what I thought I could do with my time. In translation, I hope this 'gap' will come to use in improving myself in many different aspects, that I don't think I could get from going to university and continuing the current routine of my life.
A final note that I have for this entry, is that I'm not going into this with too many expectations. I don't have a romanticised notion that I will 'find myself' or that it will drastically change my life or myself. In reality, it will be hard work, and there will be moments of loneliness that I won't be able to get away from, but I just know that I have nothing to lose. I also know, that I'm hugely privileged and lucky to be able to make this decision in the first place. Not many people do, and I realise that. For those of you who want to take a gap year and can't for some reason, then I really hope that you find something to look forward to. And for those of you who want to, I encourage you to do your research and get past of just liking the idea of it.
With my place at university officially deferred, I cannot wait to embrace so many new things this year.
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Whoooop if you made it through the first post. And hopefully, many more.
